Reminders to Self
Finally got around to posting some of those pictures from my trip to Alabama and Georgia. Important lessons learned:
- Check the weather before planning a trip, it might just be the rainiest week they've had in a while. When it rains, the bugs are not out, which is devastating.
- Always bring fresh shoes and socks in case you fall into a river
- Get the number for local animal control before heading out, in case of lack of data and encounters with really large aggressive dogs
- Be so, so careful about double checking settings. About 3/4 of these photos ended up in RAW format with higher ISO, the grain and visual snow is awful, I lost about 400 pictures to quality issues. These also take SO much longer to post, since every single one has to be reformatted.
The lil booklet/zine thing I'm doing for Michelle on local vines is coming along really well! I wish I had someone to check it for accuracy, but I don't really intend to give it to anyone else so it doesn't reeeeally matter.
Tallulah Gorge kind of sucked, lots of people and stairs, but a very helpful park ranger got me a permit to hike in an extremely secluded trail off to the north, which was nice. Reminder to not bring anyone other than Michelle (or other naturalist, if anyone wants to come?) on a hike.
Finally got most of the settings on the camera worked out. I cannot STAND the "bokeh" feature that makes my edges blurry, but it sort of happens on purpose with the macro lens? It seems to be impossible to explain that I want magnification with nearly 100% clarity in depth of field up to an inch. The new flash is working out INCREDIBLY well, all of the photos taken on 8/17 (as of this moment unposted) utilized the flash, and instead of my normal discard rate of roughly 40% I only lost 10% of my photos to underexposure and blur! I'll still have to cull for near duplicates and slight blur, but it's an amazing advancement!
Finally made that Instagram page like my mom's been insisting. She fully expects me to become famous. I love her so much. Even more than I hate Instagram. @gmnaturephotography if anyone's interested.
I broke my sobriety. 6 months without liquor, 3 months totally dry. It was only two beers, but I still feel pretty crappy about it. Haven't had another since, currently 2 days sober. We begin again. We go forwards.
While I'm addressing the imaginary attentive audience: How do you overcome the fear?
It's so silly, because I did it before. I went to Puerto Rico on a whim, and I saw an iguana, and it literally changed my life and reawakened my passion for biology. It gave me my hobby. It gave me my joy. I leapt off of a pier, into deep ocean water (terrified of deep water) into an area above a coral reef (terrified of fish) and it was one of the best moments of my life! Nothing bad happened!!! I faced my fears and they blinked!!
I was so, so, SO scared to start this job; to leave the only industry I ever knew for the chance at a bright future. I was wrong to fear! I love my work! I love everything about it! Everything in my life is so much better for SO many reasons! I faced my fear, and it blinked!
So WHY, why, why, WHY, is it so scary to think about making my passion my job? Why does the thought of going back to school make me feel paralyzed? Is it my age? 31 is so young! Is it the thought of failure? I've failed plenty of times, and I'm still here! Is it the idea of choosing only one field of study? Is it the idea of change? Is it the fear that turning my passion into a career will kill my joy for it, as culinary did? What is the cause of this inner rot, eating at me? Is fear what defines us, as animals? Or is it passion, love, that drives us forward each day, despite the fog of terror?
Put some heavy duty towels into my car so that if I see any more snapping turtles on the road I can spend less than 30 minutes getting it to safety this time. Put my spare camera in the car as well, just for some better pictures.
Final note to self:
I'm gonna be okay.
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